


so listen when you feel your heart skip a beat

by stargazers



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post 1x13, alec is emotional, alec spends the night, angst turned fluff, chairman meow is sassy, magnus is loving, straight after 1x13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:37:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6618187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargazers/pseuds/stargazers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Alexander, you haven’t slept in days, you’ve hardly eaten anything, your-‘, Magnus quickly replaced ‘pruny blonde adoptive brother’ with a term Alec would appreciate more, ‘-parabatai has followed his demonic father into the depths of who-knows-where. You’re hurting right now, and I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.’ </p><p>Magnus wanted to go on, about Maryse and Robert, Lydia, Hodge, but he didn’t need to; he heard a soft sigh as Alec’s head fell against his shoulder. And then calloused fingers were digging into the front of Magnus’ new silk shirt, his grip white knuckled and firm enough to ruin the fabric, but Magnus couldn’t care if he tried. </p><p>(Jace is gone, Alec doesn't know what to do with the emotions he left behind, Magnus' door is always open for a certain Shadowhunter, even in the dead of night)</p>
            </blockquote>





	so listen when you feel your heart skip a beat

Jace was gone. 

The first few days had gone by torturously slow, caught up in a tiring cycle of work, but Alec coped. It wasn’t hard, with his parents avoiding him unless communication was deemed absolutely necessary, and so there was no one to argue with; Alec just followed orders in silence. Coping with the aching in his soul, on the other hand, wasn’t quite as easy. 

It started off as an uneasy rumble, echoing in the hollow of his ribs, and Alec played it off as weariness. A day later, when he caught Izzy sitting at a desk in the main hall with her head in her hands and a rare fatigue etching her features, absolutely still for the first time in her life, that ache grew into something bigger, clenching at his chest and crawling up his throat. 

It was only when Alec got up in the middle of another sleepless night, slipping out of his room with bare feet to find two figures curled on the towering window sill, silhouettes merging together under the moonlight, that Alec felt it – a sharp pang of complete loneliness that burned with his fading parabatai rune. Clary’s head was in her mother’s lap, Jocelyn running long fingers through her daughter’s fiery hair as shimmering tears wet her cheeks, and Alec swallowed hard, suddenly dizzy. 

Jace is gone, he had thought hysterically, bracing himself against his doorframe as his rune hissed against his skin. It shouldn’t have been stinging, or doing anything but decorating his pale skin after Alec had weakened their parabatai bond, and yet there he was, a painful ache over-taking his body that screamed of Jace’s loneliness and inner turmoil. 

I should have followed him, tracked him somehow, Alec cursed as he watched the girl who Jace had entrusted his heart to break down in the dead of night, as he watched the light in Izzy’s eyes dim into a greying melancholy with each passing day. His parents searching desperately for the only child that didn’t disappoint them on a regular basis, circles under their eyes and lips pressed into frowns. 

Within a moment, Alec was rushing back into his room, forgoing the process of tying up his boots to slip down the spotless marble hall, silent. 

-  
Magnus had just ushered his last client outside his loft, sweeping up the mess of demon blood and splintered wood with a tired hand. The Chairman was curled atop the only piece of untouched furniture, dozing off without any regrets while his master was trying not to slump to the suddenly very appealing Persian carpet in exhaustion. Instead, Magnus prided himself in remaining upright for another minute as he tidied up his apartment, all the while scowling at the traitor perched on his curtain railing. 

‘As good as it’ll ever get,’ Magnus mumbled, before finally sinking into his plush couch with a heavy sigh. He could just fall asleep-

The buzzer brought him out of his unconsciousness, and Magnus seriously regretted ever installing the thing - or disclosing his apartment location to anyone - in the first place. Burrowing his face into the fabric of his couch and ignoring the visitor out of sheer stubbornness -‘What do you mean there’s someone at the door?’ he scowled when the Chariman came to nudge his ankles – Magnus was well on his way to sleep when the buzzer rang again. 

After letting out an audible groan against the couch, Magnus got to his feet and trudged over to the door, limbs limp; if he was going to be disturbed by insensitive strangers in the middle of the night, they didn’t deserve to see Magnus Bane at his sparkling best.

‘I’m giving you two and a half seconds to explain yourself before I-‘

He swung open his apartment door to find a panting Alexander Lightwood, and well, that was one sight – possible the only sight – Magnus wasn’t going to deny. His eyebrows shot up as he took in the Shadowhunter’s worn black shirt and blacker hair, eyes bright and wide. He looked striking.

‘Alexander,’ Magnus breathed, more to try and gain control of the situation before his heart leapt out of his chest than to address the man. ‘I know I agreed to a date, but I didn’t think half past two was what you had in mind.’

‘No, no, I- Sorry, Magnus. I didn’t mean to disturb you, and I know I should’ve called,’ Alec finally rushed out, hand reaching out to tug at his hair in distress, and Magnus wanted to gently pull it back and sooth whatever was bothering him. As quickly as possible, too, because suddenly a yawn was taking over his features and all he could do was raise a hand to his mouth and try not to fall onto the Shadowhunter in front of him. Not that he would mind that. 

‘Don’t let it trouble you, darling. Just had a demanding day.’

Alec nodded, swallowing hard, and Magnus tried not to follow the movement of his Adam’s apple dragging along his throat, when Alec suddenly burst out. 

‘I’m going to find Jace. Do you think you could track? And portal me, too?’ 

At Magnus’ stunned silence, Alec suddenly rushed to clarify; ‘I’ll pay you, of course-‘ and okay, that statement did nothing to ease Magnus’ frown, ‘-and I know you’re tired but this is really urgent-‘

‘Alexander,’ Magnus interrupted, voice laced with concern. Was he serious?

‘You can’t follow Jace, Alec. You heard what that wretched Valentine had to say – he’ll kill you and your friends in an instant,’ Magnus tried softly. Taking the time to truly look at him, Magnus noticed the subtle details he missed the first time – the dark circles shadowing large eyes, skin paler than usual, the slight tremor in his fingers. He wondered if this was a strange idea that came to Alec in a dream in the middle of the night, and he just felt the urge to pursue something the rational Alec would never dream of doing, not without a plan, not without his bow and arrows, at least, and definitely not in the middle of the night. To say that Magnus was concerned was an understatement; his heart ached to sooth him. 

But Alec was pacing, still pulling at his hair, pulling at his shirt, body thrumming with uncontrolled emotions and a strange distress Magnus had never seen before, and quite frankly, he didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t sure whether to approach the man - he looked like he was a second away from lashing out - and Magnus didn’t know Alec’s body enough to truly pin-point what he was feeling. Helplessness hit Magnus unexpectedly; he wanted to be able to comfort him more than anything, but for the first time in centuries, Magnus was at a loss as to how.

‘You’re strong, Alec, but this is not your fight. At least not yet,’ Magnus settled for instead, unable to do anything but watch as Alec paced in agitation, absently clutching at his side, as if his skin was burning. Unable to fight the urge any longer, Magnus took two determine strides over to where Alec was combusting with wild emotions, and gently placed his smaller hand over his, drawing his hand away from where it was pulling at his locks and bringing it to Alec’s side. He could feel his skin prickle at the contact, as light as it was, and Alec must have felt it too: he stilled and turned to Magnus.

Maybe he shouldn’t have approached the man, or maybe he should have dropped his hand and stepped back, because suddenly Alec was staring intently at Magnus, a new object to direct his thrumming energy at, edges of desperation in his sharp features and something else in his eyes that made Magnus’ stomach tighten. 

And in an instant, he knew exactly what the heated look in those hazel eyes meant as Alec crashed their lips together with a delicious desperation that sent a shiver up Magnus’ spine. Through his initial shock, Magnus barely acknowledged the muscled arms curling around his waist until large hands were grasping at his hips, lips still locked and moving with an intensity that made Magnus moan. Alec followed suit, letting out a deep sound as calloused fingers rubbed against the hem of Magnus’ silk shirt. 

Suddenly, Magnus wasn’t so sleepy anymore.

They barely had time for a drink after the almost-wedding, let alone for… private activities, and so to feel the pleasant weight of Alec’s lips against his own, breathe in the dizzying scent of musk and fresh water one more time was driving Magnus crazy with want. It was all so new, the feeling of Alec’s fingers tracing his frame, different points of contact that made Magnus’ head spin. And his sure movements weren’t helping either, the way he clutched at Magnus’ hip with one hand, curled his hair with another, made it seem as if the Shadowhunter was a second away from tearing off Magnus’ clothes and delving into activities Magnus was sure he wasn’t ready for. 

Still, he let Alec take it as far as he wanted for now, though any sense of control he thought he had over the situation was thrown out the window when the Shadowhunter moved his red lips to Magnus’ jaw, and then the crook of his neck, and then his collarbone, nipping and kissing with a tender intensity that made Magnus’ toes curl against the cold floor boards.

‘A-Alec,’ Magnus breathed, slipping a ringed hand under the man’s loose black shirt to feel the cool skin inside, and the shiver that ran through Alec’s body and his resulting moan was glorious. It felt unreal to have this man so close to him, to be able to touch him after centuries of lingering looks and the wrenching feeling of want, and though Alec’s kisses were unpracticed and messy, they burned with a passion that more than compensated for his inexperience. The fact that the Shadowhunter felt such a concentrated level of want and desire for him, to make him feel good, did strange things to Magnus’ heart, as if the loss of control over his breathing wasn’t enough. Chairman Meow was purring by his feet curiously but suddenly Magnus was being shuffled backwards and-

Oh.

Oh, was all he could think as he sat back against the couch as elegantly as the situation permitted. Watched as Alexander Lightwood proceeded to crawl into his lap, muscular thighs boxing Magnus in, lips back on his, and fuck, all he wanted to do was grab him and take him right then and there.

But he didn’t – this was too much. If it went on for any longer, if Alec made another one of those breathy ‘Magnus’ sounds against his lips, if he shifted on his lap one more time, if he glanced down again with those heated eyes, Magnus would lose it. And he couldn’t, even though Alec’s weight was absolutely delectable on his thighs, he knew that the Shadowhunter was emotional right now, heartbroken and lost and longed for the first thing to rid of that horrible feeling. Magnus knew, he knew what it was like, but he also knew that this wasn’t the solution.  
‘Alexander,’ Magnus pulled back and gently placed a ringed hand on Alec’s panting chest, glancing up at his flushed cheeks and swollen lips, and shit. Magnus didn’t think he’d ever get that image out of his head. 

The serious, soft tone of his voice must have alarmed the Shadowhuner, because Alec stilled and pulled back, forcing his gaze away from Magnus’ lips long enough to stare into his eyes.  
‘What?,’ Alec asked, voice hoarse and shaking, and Magnus could only stare into those brilliant hazel eyes; the lust, the want, and underneath it all, the hurt, the pain, the exhaustion. It was the only part of the Shadowhunter that was open to him at all times, and right at that moment, Magnus hadn’t seen him look more vulnerable. It was like he was waiting for Magnus to say the words that would break his heart, that would confirm his suspicions that Magnus couldn’t really like him, but oh, how wrong he was. 

Magnus wanted nothing more than to patch him up, to help Alec find the pieces of himself he had given away so selflessly, and the fact that he had - consciously or unconsciously - come to Magnus for comfort in the middle of the night made his centuries-old heart flutter like a teenager’s. 

Maybe silence wasn’t the best answer, because suddenly Alec was pulling away, eyes still wide but with an edge of fear and hurt in them. Magnus mentally slapped himself.   
‘Do you- Do you not want me?,’ Alec asked softly, and Magnus’ felt his heart sink at the rawness in his voice. Alec was recoiling now, hunching back into the corner he had hid in his entire life, and Magnus felt magic running down his fingertips unconsciously at the thought of anyone not wanting this man – his oblivious parabatai and cold-hearted parents were unworthy of Alec’s selfless form of love. 

Before Magnus could wreck things any further with his silence– seriously, Magnus, say something- he reached out with a tender hand, cupping Alec’s cheek.

‘Oh, sweetheart,’ Magnus finally breathed, and his voice sounded foreign to him, soft and tender without a hint of playfulness, as he traced a thumb over Alec’s flushed cheeks, feeling the man’s soft breath against the pad of his fingers. 

‘If only you knew how much I do.’

Alec made a soft noise at the back of his throat, finally settling into a tentative form of peace, no longer a skittish animal ready to bolt, as he stared deep into Magnus’ eyes, imploring. It was beautiful to see the man look at Magnus so openly; no longer forcing himself to look away out of shame, and the intensity of the Shadowhunter’s gaze set Magnus’ skin on fire. He could practically hear the gears in his head turning, taking in information, forming questions: So what’s wrong?

It seemed a good time as any to test his willpower.

‘Alexander, you haven’t slept in days, you’ve hardly eaten anything, your-‘, Magnus quickly replaced ‘pruny blonde adoptive brother’ with a term Alec would appreciate more, ‘-parabatai has followed his demonic father into the depths of who-knows-where. You’re hurting right now, and I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.’ 

Magnus wanted to go on, about Maryse and Robert, Lydia, Hodge, but he didn’t need to; he heard a soft sigh as Alec’s head fell against his shoulder. And then calloused fingers were digging into the front of Magnus’ new silk shirt, his grip white knuckled and firm enough to ruin the fabric, but Magnus couldn’t care if he tried. 

All that mattered was Alec. 

The Shadowhunter mumbled something against his skin from where his face was buried, somewhere between Magnus’ neck and shoulder, and Magnus instantly wrapped a long arm around Alec’s waist, pulling him gently to his chest while his other hand lost itself in Alec’s wild curls, softly raking his fingers through his scalp. It must have looked ridiculous, Alec was much larger and taller then he, and yet he was curled up on Magnus’ lap and clinging to him like a lifeline. Magnus didn’t even try to surge down his sudden anger; how could they – the Institute, Alec’s parents, Valentine, even his own friends, to some extent – let this beautiful, wonderful man wither under the weight of the world? The thought made crackling sparks ignite on his fingertips, and for the sake of not wanting to risk Alec’s safety, Magnus took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

‘You don’t have to be the strong one all the time, Alexander,’ he said instead, still smoothing down the man’s hair and holding him close to his chest, afraid to let go. Alec finally stirred at that, pulling away just enough to mumble something half-audible: ‘But-I do. I’m a Lightwood, I’m an older brother, I have to protect them. But I disappointed my parents, the Clave, I let Jace run blindly to his own death-‘

‘Shh,’ Magnus hushed, rubbing a hand up the Shadowhunter’s spine, tracing the knobs with his fingertips and holding him even tighter against his chest. He could feel Alec’s body heat against his own, could smell the indescribable scent of pine trees that was so distinctly Alec. 

‘I…I just wish I was braver.’

Magnus chuckled at that, a soft rumbling that shook them both, tracing his hand up and down the tense planes of the man’s back. Why couldn’t he see that he was the bravest man Magnus has ever known, and he’s met many in his existence - Alec gave up his parents, the Clave’s respect, his life as a Shadowhunter for what he felt in his heart, for what he felt for Magnus, and he was willing to risk so much more. He was willing to risk his heart in the hands of a Warlock, and really, what more could anyone ask for? 

He just wished Alec could see that. Instead, Magnus settled for something a little less overwhelming.

‘Darling, if you were any braver, you would be a lion.’

A beat went by, and then Alec was pulling away, narrowing his red-rimmed eyes at Magnus, lashes long and damp, black framing liquid brown.

‘Narnia? Really, Magnus?’

He couldn’t help but huff out a laugh, raising his hands up in surrender. ‘Alright, you got me. But you can’t expect me to live for hundreds of years and not play that movie on repeat!’  
‘I just hope I’m the only person you’ve said that to, for your sake,’ Alec said, rolling his eyes, but a second later his face lit up with a soft smile, the kind that sent Magnus’ heart flopping around in his chest like a dead fish. Not a pretty sight in the least, but oh, Alexander sure was. His hair was tousled, defying gravity, and Magnus wasn’t strong enough to resist trailing his gaze down to Alec’s swollen lips when he licked them. 

‘First and the last,’ Magnus grinned, and damn, he always said the wrong thing, because Alec’s smile fell just slightly, willowing into sadness, and yes, they still had a lot to talk about. Camille. Them. Immortality.

But for now, Alec rested his head against Magnus’ chest, right over his heartbeat, and Magnus prayed to whatever was up there that the man wouldn’t notice the irregular palpitations that seemed to rock through Magnus’ body, sending shockwaves of shivers right through to his nerve endings, so that every part of him was aware of Alec’s presence. No pressure, Magnus, none at all. Just keep your cool. 

‘Can I just...stay here?’

Magnus opened his mouth to reply ‘that shouldn’t even be a question, Alexander’, but of course, the Shadowhunter seemed to have a rather endearing habit of second-guessing his words, cheeks flushed as he pulled back to look into Magnus’ eyes. 

‘I-I mean, not like that…I just, the Institute is suffocating-‘

‘Alexander,’ Magnus interrupted softly, a finger to his lips. ‘You are always welcome here.’

The relief in Alec’s eyes and the shy, blinding smile was enough to knock the breath out Magnus’ lungs, and all he could think was this man will be the death of me.

‘Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to feel my thighs again,’ Magnus chuckled, eyes glinting, and the instant flush of red that flooded Alec’s face made Magnus want to swoop up and place a kiss on those pretty, pretty lips.

And so he did. 

-  
Alec could feel exhaustion catching up to him as he slumped into the couch, tugging off his boots while Magnus rummaged through his massive closet for a pair of pyjamas that would fit his stature. Sitting there alone in Magnus’ loft in the dead of night, about to spend the night at his place should have been over-whelming, but all Alec could feel was a sense of relief and relaxation; he was welcomed here with Magnus. 

‘Alec, darling, is navy blue alright? I was certain I had a silk pair of cobalt ones here somewhere…’ he heard Magnus call out from behind his bedroom door, and despite the flutter in his stomach at the realisation that Magnus was in his bedroom, where he slept, Alec let out a chuckle. 

‘Anything is fine, Magnus,’ he called out, smiling fondly, and he was suddenly struck with how grateful he was for Magnus and everything he had done for him. Alec realised that he hadn’t felt this content in a long time, and was suddenly hit with the urge to walk into Magnus’ bedroom and sweep the man into his arms, burying his nose in the now-familiar scent of citrus and spice. 

And then Alec was reminded of the night’s earlier activities, how he had burst into Magnus’ loft with a ridiculous plan, and how he practically pounced on the man. He knew for a fact that come tomorrow morning, Alec would be mortified, ready to die of embarrassment at his actions, but for now, he decided to let go of his worries. 

He hadn’t noticed the figure that slinked into his lap, and with a surprised sound, Alec found Magnus’ cat rubbing against his elbow, bright eyes blinking up at him. He smiled at the animal – he seemed to be doing a lot of smiling, lately – and gently rubbed behind its ears, watching as the cat squirmed happily.

‘Now that’s a lovely sight,’ Magnus called suddenly, leaning against the doorframe with a pair of pyjamas in his hand and a small grin on his face. The cat immediately scurried off of Alec and rushed to the Warlock’s side, and he silently thanked the creature for distracting Magnus long enough to take in his appearance. He was dressed in a soft teal shirt with black lettering, and Alec noticed with a lack of oxygen in his lungs that this was the first time had seen Magnus bare his arms; the man was always clad in fanciful jackets and extravagant robes, but now his lean, toned arms were on display and Alec found it very hard not to stare. Dark sweatpants hung off of Magnus’ slim hips, bunching at his ankles, and his face was completely make-up free as he crouched down to pet his cat. Wisps of black and red hair framing his face, Magnus looked so… defenceless, and Alec was immediately struck with the reality of the situation.   
‘Thank you,’ he felt the need to blurt out, and Magnus looked up at him with shimmering eyes.

‘Thank me after you’ve tried them, I’m sceptical about Tommy Hilfiger’s quality of cotton-‘

‘For letting me stay, I mean. And understanding. And the pants,’ Alec added, and his heart thumped violently in his chest when Magnus stood up straight with a pleased smile and walked over to him, handing him the pair of pants. He tried to take a deep breath, which only lead to inhaling Magnus’ deliciously fruity scent, and Alec was back to trying to keep his breathing in check. 

‘Well, I wouldn’t be a very good High Warlock if I turned away beautiful Shadowhunters with crazy plans in the middle of the night,’ Magnus smiled, leaning forward, and Alec couldn’t stop the blush that inked his cheeks. 

‘Now then, what of your sleeping arrangement?’

Magnus seemed to grow serious, as if he Alec’s comfort was paramount, and somehow he knew that this would be different from the last time he stayed over, where they had cocktails and light conversation until Magnus went to run a bath only to find Alec asleep on the couch, shoes and all. He woke up at dawn to find a blanket draped over his shoulders and boots placed neatly beside him, when he was sure he had been too tired to slip them off before he fell asleep. 

‘I mean, my bed is plenty huge for the two of us, but I could conjure another bed here, if you’d prefer, or a mattress, or would you rather have the couch?,’ Magnus rushed out, and Alec could sense a hint of anxiousness in his voice. He knew that Magnus was trying to give Alec the space he needed, but for once in his life, he didn’t want any distance. He wanted to feel the warmth of Magnus’ body against his lulling him to sleep, more than anything. 

‘Could I…sleep next to you?’

And woah, Alec, you’re just full of surprises tonight, aren’t you? He’d have to get Magnus to conjure up some drinks tomorrow morning to make it through life without dying from embarrassment.

But Magnus just blinked up at him, confused, and then offered Alec the brightest smile he had ever seen, eyes shining like Alec had granted his every wish. 

‘Well, my dear, you know I can’t object to that,’ he smirked holding out his hand for Alec to take, and with a huff and an eye roll, he tentatively took it, and followed Magnus as they stepped into his bedroom. Like everything else in his life, Magnus’ bedroom was lavish and grand in every sense – and Magnus wasn’t joking about his bed being huge – but it still retained a comfortable atmosphere that made Alec feel like he was an intruder. There was something else, too; the room was massive, and with only Magnus and his cat, Alec couldn’t help but wonder if the man ever felt lonely. No matter how annoying they could be, Alec had his siblings, or more like Isabelle at the moment (he tried not to linger on that thought for too long) and company wasn’t something he lacked. Magnus, though; what did he feel waking up to an empty house? With no one talk to, save for a one-way conversation with a cat?

Alec wanted to hold him close, but he was feeling nauseous with sudden emotions, and so silently accepted Magnus’ offer and slipped into his bathroom to quickly change out of his jeans. Once again, he tried not to gape at the room in shock, but seriously, a bath tub that size? What for? And then Alec was imagining exactly what for, heated images of tan skin and hot water, and then he was getting the hell out of the bathroom before the blush could reach his cheeks.

The lights were off when Alec stepped back out, and his night vision rune was enough to make out Magnus’ figure in the dark, his head bent low as he pulled off his rings. And then he glanced up at Alec with luminous green eyes, cat eyes, and he was lost in their beauty for what seemed like forever. They made Magnus seem younger, if that was possible, and contrasted beautifully with his skin - if this is what Magnus looked like in the dark, he couldn’t imagine what a sight he would be in daylight. He was absolutely breath taking.

‘Alec?’

Magnus sounded unsure and Alec realised that he had been stood outside the bathroom door, staring at Magnus, for the better part of three minutes.

‘I was… I can cast the glamour, if you want. Or if it’s the bed, just say the word and I’ll bring you your own-‘

He cut Magnus off with a searing kiss, both gentle and passionate, inter-twining fingers in Magnus’ soft locks, before pulling back with a smile.

‘They’re beautiful,’ Alec said softly, and then Magnus was smiling, shuffling back into the bed, slipping his lithe body under the covers in a way so child-like and endearing that Alec couldn’t help but press another kiss to his soft lips. Heart pounding in his throat, he stared deeply into Magnus’ green eyes as he slipped into the space next to him, gently reaching for his fingers, and prayed that he would never forget the feeling of breathlessness and warmth with Magnus next to him.

**Author's Note:**

> It's 2:13 am, I don't know what I'm doing, but I hope you enjoyed this! <3 Hasn't been beta-read, so I apologize for any errors!  
> Solely based on the TV show, haven't read past half of the first book :')


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